he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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