remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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