Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
