He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
