I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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