Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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