hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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