Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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