i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
