you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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