He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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