I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
