If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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