pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
