I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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