She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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