You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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