I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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