it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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