It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
