I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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