I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
