All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
that's an acceptable place to lick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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