Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
