Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
