i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
