dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
