if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
