Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i've created a new STD.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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