Kiss
Puke
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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