found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize