omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
