I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
