spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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