Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
