census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
