Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
