I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
