my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
