so that wasnt chicken after all
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
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