I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
