I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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