what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
