What a fucking waste of an outfit
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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