he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
