stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
