I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
