I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
