Will you blow on my dice?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
