I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
