i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
