Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
