so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
