We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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