I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
