So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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