i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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