Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
