i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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