man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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