So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
