He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
