i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
