How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
