i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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