Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The air was thick with penises
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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