This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
